“Do you know how special you are??”
“Do you know how inspirational you are??”
“Do you know how beautiful you are??”
These are the heart-felt compliments that all came to me this month. And as each sister looked into my eyes to lovingly ask these questions, my instinctual response was “No” (said with a smile).
And it is this response that causes me to take pause and think. Do I really not know how special, inspirational, and beautiful I am?? But, this is what I teach. Shouldn’t I be comfortable with my own radiant attributes?? Should I not respond “Yes. Thank you for seeing me.” in effortless grace??
Through deep self-reflection, I realized that I currently hold strong belief patterns that detach me from the compliments AND criticisms of others. It wasn’t my own knowing that I was denying, it was a natural denial of how “others” see me.
That’s profound, and sad. But it’s true.
I listen to the compliments of others and I honor that the thoughts are genuinely felt in this precious moment. But I don’t easily honor that the compliments are perpetual truth.
Beginning quite early in my life, I watched someone I loved and respected compliment me with great admiration one day, and then, with equal passion and intensity, criticize my actions or essence on another day. This taught me to find inner strength and truth, which is fabulous. But it also taught me to de-value the compliments AND criticisms of others!!
As I grew older, this belief system was further enforced as I watched people, that I loved and honored, speak of great love, admiration and care in one moment and then shift “their” perspective of me to one of disappointment (without rational cause or reason) in another moment.
I never realized how deeply I dis-trust the opinions of others, when those opinions regard Me.
I thought that by not allowing the thoughts of others to define me, I was strong. But I can now see that I am missing out on some of the greatest BLESSINGS in life.
I do NOT wish to move forward with these limiting thoughts and beliefs.
But how do I break this patterning?? How do I reProgram my heart to trust, and to heal the scars that these past experiences have left within??
I am going to begin by screaming affirmations of LOVE to myself and all universal energies that be. So, here are my heart-felt affirmations for today:
I AM LOVE.
I choose to LOVE genuinely and to BE LOVED completely.
I HONOR THE BEAUTIFUL SOULS WHO SURROUND ME – and accept their words as expressions of their genuine LOVE and TRUTH.
May those who deserve my respect and trust – HAVE IT – fully and completely.
THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE HEALING THAT FLOWS.
© Alania Starhawk 2013