My instinct is to say “NEVER!!” But I wonder. Does that voice come from some defiant part of me that selfishly clings to a personal dream and vision…no matter how irrational it may be?? Or is that the voice of my inner passion and light…screaming my greatest truth through the sometimes shadowed moments of transformation and transfiguration??
Is it all futile?? Or is this challenge…of baring my greatest truth…the key to push me forward on my unique and powerful journey??
For those who do know me…I am often an inspirational force!! Giving up on a dream come true…is not an option!! I know in my heart of hearts that we are so loved…that all else is a reflection of our own personal fears…not our greatest truth.
So why…do I still find moments of questioning and lifeless stagnation?? Why am I still battling the same internal battles each and every year?? Why is my heart currently screaming “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!”???
When is all that we genuinely give to a cause or intention enough??? When does all of the truly faithful energy we employ become trivial and self-serving only?? When would it be more prudent and wise to shift our energies to that which is a more tangible and measurable reward??
Am I living a fairytale?? Or is the fairytale my greatest TRUTH…and this moment of insecurity the serpent’s attempt to imprison me in mediocrity??
Here’s the deal!! I’ve been working YEARS on calling particular energies and experiences into my life!! I have fought, cried, prayed, and believed enough to move immovable mountains!! I don’t believe that I could have “done better”. I am damn PROUD of myself and all I’ve transitioned through!! I’m proud of every choice (given the circumstances)…and every experience!! But it IS time to break down and shatter all SELF-LIMITATION and DOUBT!!!
30-seconds ago…I truly held surrender as a possibility. I’m tired!! I’m so darn tired of struggling and fighting and enduring and over-coming!! I’m tired of standing strong in the tidal waves of opposition and resistance!! I’m tired of believing in that which I can’t see.
And then I realized…surrender (for me) is NOT an option!! I am tired!! That’s absolutely true!! But when faced with the real opportunity to let go….i knew that I never could!!
There is a FIRE in me that BELIEVES (through and through) in this unseen world of miracles, magical wonder, and infinite blessings!! That world is my home and my reality!! It’s in trying to evaluate that world and its often intangible blessings…in this world of nauseatingly measurable and definable accomplishments…that I momentarily lost my way!!
So let me CLEARLY say!! Dear Spirit…I shall never surrender!! Each and every prayer that is held in my heart…SHALL BE MANIFEST most beautifully!! Without struggle and fight….or the need to endure and over-come….my every prayer SHALL BE MANIFEST!!
OPEN THE DOORS of INFINITE LIGHT in my HEART and my LIFE!!! I AM ALL that I most genuinely WISH TO BE!! ♥
In JOY and Ever-expanding Wonder,