Living In The Shadow of What’s “Not”

Suddenly the word “Not” seems like the silliest…most inconsequential word ever.    Does it even carry real meaning or authority??

The answer is…YES!!    If…and only IF we give it the power to do so.

If you asked me ANY time over the last eleven years (including yesterday) whether I am attached to what is not in my life…I would have proudly and confidently stated “No!!”.    I have worked hard to push forward…see possibilities…and be fully grateful for all that is in my life.     And when met with a pang of remembrance for what is not…I mourn for a single moment…and shift my vision forward once again.

Isn’t that what is best??    Isn’t that what brings healing and growth??

That is after all what my guides have been telling me for years.    “Each day is an opportunity to rebirth ourselves.   It’s beautiful to honor what has been…then imagine and discern what you wish to be.”     For as we move forward…we’ll gain clarity and understanding.    We’ll begin to see the beauty in every moment and experience.

And I believed that.    I can truly see how far I’ve come!!   Each year my accomplishments have grown…both personally and professionally.    But…in the silence there was still great unspoken sadness.

The sadness hid deep within…guising itself in personal strength and fortitude.    We told ourselves that we are survivors…and we won’t let the disappointments become the guiding force for our future.     We stood tall and strong…and braved our way through each day.    And soon enough…we believed our own tale.

We believed that we freed ourselves from the sadness, disappointment, encoded fear, and deeply seeded longing (for what’s not).     We believed ourselves to be fully independent of what has been…and fully committed to what is and shall be.

BUT….today I see clearly!!

For two years….my continuous prayers have been to BE FREE ENOUGH TO BE ME!!!     I have wished full-heartedly to STOP holding myself back….to BELIEVE in my own voice and potential….to RECOGNIZE the beauty that i am…and to HEAL at levels deep and clear!!      For I knew that my personal power was not all it could be….but I couldn’t see HOW to genuinely free myself from the stagnation that was.

And through out this two years…I have had profound healing experiences that have broken barriers of time and space!!     They have opened doorways and gateways to the deepest caverns of self…and the greatest heights of all that is!!!     I have been lifted up by the hand of God…purified in the sacred flames of Grandfather Fire…and filled with the remembrance of who I truly am (beyond human perception).

I have been gifted with love immeasurable…and support unconditional.     And gently….I began surrendering the secret blame and disappointment.     Gently….my prayers to be FREE held greater power because I was claiming this truth at deeper levels of being.     The resistance to this great feat was melting…and the genuine desire to BE FREE was growing.

I’ve always shared much of my journey on these pages.     So…you’ll know that most recently…I’m learning to honor my body and my self more fully.    I’ve slowed my metabolism, my mind chatter, and my repetitive nature down so much so….that I can clearly SEE!!!

In wishing to fully nurture my body…I recognize that I’m naturally nurturing my spirit.     I’m telling the universe (and my deepest selves) that we are worthy of the BEST this beautiful world has to give.     And i’m watching this simple declaration have greater, unrelated effects than I could have imagined.     The duties of life that were once tedious, exhausting, and time-consuming to me….are easily honored (without a conscious thought).      Because…I’ve commanded all that I am worthy of.    “I” am the one sub-consciously commanding more of myself as well!!!

The excuses (that I believed were genuine) don’t seem to be present.     My body is still worn down from cold symptoms…but i’m getting more accomplished in my home…in my mind…and for myself than I’ve ever accomplished in a single day.     Intentions that have been in place (for elongated times) for certain accomplishments…are becoming accomplished without a conscious thought.

All moments seem to be an “opportunity” now.    Where I can now see…they have often been a duty to survive best as can be.

Is it possible??    Can I have been in a perpetual cycle of survival…never really feeling free or clear??

I look around at the remaining untouched piles of to-do’s and intentions in my house (and my life)….and I ask “WHY??” have I allowed procrastination to be my greatest friend??     Why have I turned a blind eye to all that could easily CLEAR my space…and my mind??

And truthfully…I can sense that the battles of life have genuinely defeated me at deep levels of being.      I can now sense a part of me that believed “What’s it all for??”.

How SAD is that???     “What’s it all for??”      I would never imagine myself to believe that.     I once jumped freely and excitedly in the pure wonder of LIFE!!!     In all its many expressions….I felt GRATITUDE to be.       I was the “fun factor”….literally.      And now I see that I’ve been going through many motions…without fully and completely encompassing those elevated beliefs.

I have been living in the shadow of what’s “not”.     And that is no longer where I wish to be!!

NOTHING IS LOST ~ NOTHING IS MISSING ~ NOTHING IS LACKING

ALL IS MoST PERFECT and PRECIOUS As Can BE!!

Today is an opportunity to CREATE my reality.    And every effort is of VALUE and purpose to me!!!

No thought is a waste.    No moment is a waste.     No thing can be a waste for me.

It’s all purposeful.    It’s all pure potential….if I wish it to be!!

SO….now that the Light is touching all that was once hidden and lost…what shall I do with these newly discovered opportunities?!?!?      I shall ponder a bit more…I think.    And then LIVE as the radiant wonder I am meant to be!!

No more hiding the sadness or pain.     If it is part of me….I free it most genuinely!!

I AM LIGHT ~ TRUTH ~ PEACE ~ and LOVE!!

I AM FREEEEEEEEEEE!!! ♥

Blessings to each of you on your own personal journeys!!

In JOY and Wonder,

Alania

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Morgan says:

    Just Lovely 🙂 May Your Day be Blessed with Hope and Bright Joy~

    1. You are such a ray of sunshine!! Thank YOU Morgan!! ♥ You inspire me!!

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