It’s undeniable. I haven’t been my uber-uplifting self these last few days (ummm…even weeks). I’ve been striving to be…and there were incredible moments where I absolutely embodied bliss and joy. But…if I’m being honest…I’ll admit that I’ve spent a lot of time withdrawing from the confusion and chaos of ‘society’.
I definitely had great reasons for every act of withdrawal. But I can now see that those individual acts of withdrawal have created a pattern of seclusion. If I pinpoint when this internal struggle began…I’ll notice that my silent discomfort actually began when I returned home from my magical journey to Sedona exactly one month ago.
I was able to easily redirect my attention away from any frustrating energy at first. Afterall…if I teach about balanced energy and empowerment….I’d better darn well hold myself accountable to those same standards!! But in the last week or so…the insanity that I am witness to (from an egoic viewpoint)…is increasingly more prevalent.
Seriously??? If my prayers are for PEACE….what’s this all about??
I placed quite a bit of powerful prayer in motion yesterday. It’s time for me to see clearly!! And with several different insights throughout the night…I did.
With my first insight…I remembered that we are in November. Don’t laugh. I know that it’s just a calendar month for many…and I am finally at the place where I see it as just a calendar month too. Yayyyyyy!!! But…….I must be honest and clear once again.
Many years ago….my sense of security and stability was unexpectedly ‘taken from me’ in November. And although I have worked incredibly hard on balancing the physical experience in my heart and mind. My body still holds the recorded energies of ‘loss, betrayal, and sadness’ at this time of year. I forgot about that.
It won’t do so forever. My body is telling me that there is more to heal and release….lovingly. I can absolutely understand that….and welcome opportunities for that healing to take place.
But my evening went on. And the second insight reminded me of the many past life visions I’ve had of myself as a LightBEing upon this earth…from time far before recorded time. In those particular experiences…I was here on this earth…with full remembrance of the LIGHT that flows through all BEingness. I held pure awareness…and was here to solely guide and inspire humanity through their evolutionary journey.
It was easy for me to BE that Light for thousands of years. But a time came when I began to align with the belief that ‘earthly life’ brings struggle and pain. It’s the moment that my own consciousness began to fall into the shadowed spaces of BEingness.
I’ve been working hard to reprogram the belief that ‘earthly life’ is any less than inherently divine. Which brings me to the third insight.
In Sedona….I felt at ONE with Universal Source. My spirit was dancing with the JOY of eternal Light and Knowing. I was truly expanded…while in my physical form. That’s incredible!!
And yet……when I returned home….to the life that I truly LOVE…..it became a bit pale in comparison. That’s illusion. That’s all an egoic interpretation. But….now I have clarity!! Now I can work on reprogramming those beliefs.
Ok. Let’s connect the dots. My fourth insight is what brought the deepest “Aha!!”.
Just a few moments ago…………………..I realized that it’s ALL ONE core belief that continues to replay itself in my physical reality!!
As long as I believe that this LIFE EXPERIENCE can inherently hold any less than absolute safety and support…..my body will continue to align with these ‘chaotic frequencies’ every now and then.
The surface people, places, and things aren’t the creators of this experience!! I AM!!!
In all moments…………..I attract the experiences that align with my beliefs!!! I am the one who chooses to align with illusion and confusion. I am the one who finds comfort in the anonymity (every now and then).
But……………….I asked for REMEMBRANCE in my prayers (and blog post) yesterday. So….clarity and truth has revealed itself!!! I AM BLESSED……and can be no less!!! Only perception can imply that it is so.
THANK YOU DEAR SPIRIT!!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!! ♥
© Alania Starhawk 2015