Through The Gate of Illusion and Pain

I’m different now.

I feel like I’ve just come through a gateway of initiation…and I’m forever changed.

In this gate of higher awareness and uber-sensitive emotional perception…I was asked to face some of the darkest visions of separation, pain, and insignificance I’ve ever faced.

The visions began to take form in my intuitive awareness as I focused upon why I’m not truly feeling like myself today.   From the moment I awoke this morning…I have felt ‘off’ from my normal norm.   However…on the surface of my daily life…it was a beautiful day.   I bonded with a new sister soul, accepted loving gifts from another, and avoided all sense of confusion and chaos at every degree.

There was no physical ’cause’ for my feeling less than perfectly aligned.  The sensation of ‘pain and loss’ was rising from a much deeper point of BEing within my soul.  And yet…she was no less ‘real’ than any other part of me (in that moment).   I felt her screaming to be seen, to be heard, to be freed.

So…with focus upon those irrational emotions…I found myself in a dark quagmire of imposing shadow.   It was palpable and all-encompassing.   It was almost overwhelming.  But in seeking to see clearly…I began to write through my emotional journey:

I feel as though I am in the depths of a truly dark existence.   As if I am a doused and flickering flame in the midst of indescribable harshness.   The cold and lifeless surrounds me in all directions…seeking to covet my sole breath of pure Light.    

I consciously know that this is impossible and untrue…and yet I feel defeated in this blink-of-an-eye moment.  

Even by sharing this sensation with you…it is lifting.   It’s illusion is breaking apart. 

And yet…the feeling of being unseen and powerless still remains.   I literally feel poisoned by those perceptions.  It feels imposing upon my sense of Self and Truth…..although I know that I AM IMMUTABLE.

The Pure can never be less than Pure.   Light can never be less than Light.   Infinite Source can never be less than Infinite in its essence and truth.

That vision is totally broken now.   I cannot even comprehend HOW I was so caught in the depths of disempowerment just a few moments ago.   But I also recognize that my precious soul has surrendered to those perceptions of insignificance and loss many times before.   It was not a new sensation for me.   I knew the depths of that separation.

I’ve been battling the ‘dark’ as long as I can remember.   I’ve been a warrior of Light……dispelling every manipulative and controlling faction that presents itself. 

But….what if I’m finally evolving that perception too.    What if I’m here to recall that NO separation from source can be (personally or otherwise)…………and the dark, painful, harsh, neglectful, and imposing reality in all its potentiality IS ALWAYS ILLUSION.

There’s NO separation!!   There never can be.

There’s NO dark-reality!!  There never can be.

There’s NO concept of pain in actuality!!  There never can be.

There is only the BELIEF that we can be less than perfect, supported, and loved.


There is no battle, no struggle, no conflict, no challenge, no lack.

It’s all LOVE…and can be no less.

It’s all LOVE…and can be no less.

It’s all LOVE…and can be no less.

Only my perception allowed me to align with the depth of despair.

I AM HOME in all moments.   

I AM LIGHT in all moments.  

I AM PRECIOUS in all moments.   

I AM.  I AM.  I AM.   

In this empowering vision…I was offered an opportunity to face the Belief that physicality can be harsh, cruel, or debilitating by nature.   I was offered an opportunity to authentically FEEL it as an imposing and overwhelming force….and then to DISEMPOWER it all!!!

As Lightworkers…many of us are often pained by the harshness of our human experience. In response to that…we have learned to douse our Light in protection.    But this perception is false and untrue!!   It is un-serving and un-supportive of the path we now walk.

Only LIGHT will free us from the belief that we are less than Pure and Safe in all moments.

No separation from Divine Source can be.

I’ve entertained the illusion for too long.   Here and now…..I AM FREE.

© Alania Starhawk 2016

2 thoughts on “Through The Gate of Illusion and Pain”

    1. So true, my goddess siStar!!! This was a huge opportunity to authentically recognize the beliefs and programs that I had surrendered to at some unseen point in time. I feel free-er now….and fully recharged to live in LOVE. Thank YOU for sharing!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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