I am healed. And, “I” am the healing that I seek.
I say this so clearly at 4am, fully understanding that I AM the alpha and omega. I am the beginning and the end. I already am all that I seek to be. It’s not just a concept in this pure moment of clarity. It’s a knowing that shapes my understanding of life and sense of BEing.
I am on a circular path of SOULdiscovery, finding nothing greater than that which I already am. It’s all connected. It’s all truth. It all leads me back home to Self, and to Oneness.
Even now, as I contemplate the fullness of this truth, I continue to know it is absolute while beginning to question how it can be. The “knowing” which was so deeply clear just a few moments ago, is slowly returning to more of a concept than an embodied understanding.
In the 3 minutes that it took me to write the above words, my dualistic nature has returned, to see that WHOLE part of me as true and real, but separate and ideal. Each blink of a finite second, brings me closer to questioning how I could get back to that original state of clear sight and knowing.
What triggered that perfectly perfect epiphany??
Was it my own Soul, the aspect of Me that is wise and all-knowing, that arranged that clear moment of embodied Awareness?? Was it all designed to dramatically break me free (however momentary it was) from all that binds and tethers my inflexible mind??
Is this all a sign that the veils of separation are thinning, and soon there will only be clarity, truth, and understanding?? At some nearing point in conceptual time, will I finally “know” all as connected and one??
I hope so.
From that mere glimpse into everything (literally), I felt empowered and whole. I saw mySelf as the Creator and the Creation. Nothing stood outside of Me, so nothing could be outside of my reach or my control.
I consider this now, as I replay all of the patterned lies I tell mySelf each day.
Struggle, lack, pain, and confusion are only perception. They are a construct of my own creative mind. They are held in place and sustained by all of the validation and approval “I” give them each day.
In short, I actually entertain these shadowed (false) perceptions of BEing. I believe in them, and so they are.
Remember, from that clear state of embodied Awareness, nothing exists outside of mySelf. I am the Creator of all that is. So, “I” create this web of tangled mis-truths to place mySelf upon this eternal path of SELFdiscovery!!
I know the ultimate Truth. Yet, I also tease mySelf into believing that I am nothing at all, all the time wondering if I will see through the illusion that I’ve woven for mySelf. Really testing mySelf to discern just how majestic and magnificent I am and can be.
A bit egotistical, I see.
But, if I am all things, how can “I” not be??
The logical part of me is almost cringing at this whole convoluted masterpiece of exquisite BEing, while the Aware part of me is leaping and crying for joy.
Today, I am just a smidge closer to the Infinite All.
Even if all of this appears to be the tale of a wandering mind, in the light of day that is only a few hours away, I am so egotistically proud of mySelf for allowing this epiphany to come through.
Just consider how many webs of scandalous mis-truths it had to pierce through, to arrive in my full-bodied consciousness today. Think of how many opportunities I must have had to fiercely deny its purpose and presence in my life.
But it prevailed because I am now ready to contemplate the Infinite in a very real way.
It’s a good thing.
How will my Life change, with this un-shadowed glimpse into everything??
I’m not sure, but I look forward to the changes that it may now bring.
© Alania Starhawk 2017