We are complex beings. We still hold attachments to ancient memories, allowing those past insecurities and fears to shape the way we see life.
We still react to the past, which is gone and complete, as if it were speaking to us right now.
We don’t always feel bound to these past emotional wounds. But “sometimes” is more times than I would like.
I understand that the deep irrational fears and emotions that arise, are often voices from the past. Sometimes they bring no more than a distant memory to the surface, to bring reflection to our growth. But sometimes they are much bolder and more challenging to behold.
I often find myself in this doorway of emotional candor, without reason, when my SOUL is yearning to bring attention to a “lost” aspect of Me. A part of Me that has lost focus and connection to this perfect NOW moment.
Somewhere, in space or time, she still holds on to the memories of what once was.
She’s ME – but she feels quite alone.
I sense deeper emotions rising this week. They are not being triggered by any challenges in my immediate world, so I take a moment to go deep within.
I pierce through the veils of time and space, to call out to that aspect of Me that wishes to come home.
This is a sacred journey, for those with eyes to see.
I sense her spirit cloaked in the darkness of doubt and fear. She has felt alone for far too long, allowing the fog of disempowerment and illusion to stifle her sense of self and of truth.
She hears me, as I call out to her precious soul, but she can not see through the shadows that have been her home.
I encourage her to breathe deeply and to release from all that appears. It’s time to trust her own inner knowing to guide her way through.
With our support, that of myself and every sacred guardian that radiates love, she begins to lift the fog of all that had been. Deeper understanding begins to now show itself.
She had once waited and waited for another to honor their vows and commitments to her. She shows us the promises that were so grand and passionately conveyed. She believes in them so intently, that she cannot bear to consider they are false or mis-communicated.
She has created excuses for why all is not yet in place, ignoring the facts that are so evident and plain.
I see the greater truth. I see that her own fear of seeing clearly has called the fog in. It is a fog of her own making. One that allows her to stay in false hope and illusion. It allows her to remain bound to her own promises of love and all that she would offer in return for that which would one day come.
It is not his promises that keep her bound. It is her own.
She believes in her visions of what could be. She sees it and is not willing to let go.
I see her clearly, and I know that she still holds tightly. She still feels as though she will collapse, if asked to see all as it is.
But with all divine presence and support, I gently remind her…
What you hold onto now, isn’t real, my dear. It’s not inspiring your soul to be in joy and love. It is allowing you to feel lost and alone.
Is this comfortable for you?? Is it enough for you??
We all stand here now, reminding you that you are not alone!!
You are so loved.
We need you and all of the light you bring. We need you to re-ignite the spark within. To believe in LOVE once again.
For you have allowed yourself to believe that loving another means that you might lose yourself. But that is not love. We are greater than that. We are not searching for another to save us from ourselves. We are confident within. We know who we are.
I sense her standing a bit taller and more confident too, wanting to believe all that we share with her now. I continue to speak to this ancient aspect of Me…
Take my hand. Feel my love. Recognize that you and I breathe together as one.
Dear One, I miss you!! Will you come home??
She looks back, at the shadows that have kept her company, all these many years. She looks for a sense of belonging in their midst, but she senses nothing that resonates any longer. She has freed herself.
And as she comes into this acknowledgment, the shadows that once were, all begin to swiftly fade. For they hold no purpose any longer. They have nothing and no one to entertain.
Her heart is clear and willing to trust. She is willing to passionately, boldly free herself.
For a moment, she holds a glimmer of blame for losing herself. But a divine voice reminds her that there is no place for blame on this journey home. She must leave ALL blame in the shadows, where it belongs.
“Are you willing to love yourself as we love you”, the voice exclaims. And with a sigh of graceful surrender, long awaited and appreciated, she begins to rise in acceptance of the LIGHT she most brilliantly is.
For she now sees her DIVINE SOUL as her identity of Self. All the stories, that no longer resonate, are long gone and transformed. There is nothing to keep her separate from being all she wishes to be.
Her soul has returned!! She has made her way home.
And PEACE lies within me, as I feel a bit more complete.
I celebrate her homecoming and ponder, most playfully, what will this mean for all that is about to unfold in my miraculous earth journey??
I sense the power of this moment, but cannot deign to put it into words.
It simply is.
This is the power of a soul-retrieval!! The art of calling a precious aspect of ourselves back home.
My energy is now focused and more able to confidently believe in love, life, and every bright blessing that abundantly flows.
All is well.
© Alania Starhawk 2019
1 thought on “Finding “ME” in the Shadows of What Was”
I feel very much the same as you. I sense my limiting beliefs stem from my past poor choices. Ah! I judge my past self from the vantage point of my Now, but I could never have known Then what I know Now! Aha! The amazing light bulb comes on over my head! ❤️🦋🌀