In fair warning, I’m a bit fired-up this evening. Before heading to sleep, I prayed for clarity and truth, to move me through this moment of insecurity and pain. I am now awake, after one hour of deep sleep, with an intense wave of ANGER filling my soul.
I am a gentle soul. Anger is not an emotion that often flows. But in this moment, it flows unabashedly. I am authentically broken-hearted and enraged to think of how many years (and lifetimes) I allowed “The Church” to tell me that I was a victim to my own sinful nature.
Ugggghhhh!!!! Do you hear that?? Do you feel that??
Are you not disgusted too??
How DARE they use God’s name to tell me that I needed to “BE SAVED” from mySelf….or from ANY-thing!!
They indoctrinated me to look outwardly for SALVATION and MERCY, instead of inwardly to my own Divine Light. They perpetuated the concept of SIN to keep us dependent upon their shallow promises and teachings. They stripped every free-will passion, to bind us to their structured perception of truth.
Now to be very clear, my LOVE of God is pure and eternal!! My God is empowering and inspiring. My God is compassionate and loving. My God is breath-takingly BEAUTY-full. And My God lives, as pure LIGHT within each and every soul, and all that is.
This Divine Presence is known when we are IN LOVE and IN JOY. It is known when we are AT PEACE and AT HOME within ourSelf and every potential-filled moment of BEing.
This is the LIGHT that guides us through all experiences, and encourages us to see ourSelves as Perfect in all ways.
My God knows no judgment or expectation. Only GRACE-full acceptance and Love flows in all moments and all ways.
So as I find mySelf in a moment of struggle, to see the emPowered aspect of ME fully thriving in this reality, I recognize that THE perception of disEmpowerment and Shame was first seeded by those who systematically corrupted the integrity and sanctity of all that is SACRED and DIVINE.
Let me grant you a glimpse into my mind. I wish to speak factually of all that The Church instilled into my psyche. Every mass conveys “Lord, I am not worthy!! But only say the word and I shall be healed.” This flows off of every good Catholic’s tongue. We awake every morning with prayers that say “Forgive us for our trespasses” and “Pray for us sinners”. We are asked to belittle ourSelves in Confession, so that we may become “clean enough” (this week) to bask in God’s Love. We are taught that Sacrifice brings “Salvation”, and Divine Mercy (something that can be granted or withheld) can SAVE us from eternal damnation!!
Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Sounds like a horror story to my loving heart.
And although I have freed mySelf from The Church’s concept of spirituality, I suddenly recognize that BELIEVING IN MYSELF as an empowered source of infinite potential, is still a challenge at times, because I once believed that I was everything BUT that vision of eternal beauty and Light.
I don’t wish to “be saved” during my brief moments of trial and confusion. I wish to be lovingly inspired. I wish to see clearly. I wish to reMember that I am SAFE and LOVED, no matter what appears.
Learning to see this world as beautiful and supportive is my mission now, healing the old wounds with loving kindness and compassionate grace.
I TAKE MY POWER BACK.
I ask that all Divine Aspects of BEing support me!!
Free ME from false perception and truth. Let me LIVE in the heart of all that is Love.
I AM WORTHY!!!
© Alania Starhawk 2017