We’ve been taught to make all of our raw and authentic feelings appears as gentle, kind, and pretty upon the surface. Even when no one is around to see them, we often deny them, push them to the side, or even blame them on another.
As a society, we are not comfortable with feelings. But feelings give voice to the sensitive and subtle parts of our BEing.
I once asked my Spirit Guides how I could be so high frequency and IN LOVE one moment, and emotionally challenged in the next. With a sweet smile on their etheric face, they reminded me:
“If you are feeling it, it already exists within!!”
That’s profound, for those of us who believe that our surroundings cause the emotions. Our current surroundings only provide opportunity for the emotions to express themselves. It’s how we deal with these emotions, that defines our experience.
I’m in a doorway of change. And whatever appears to be shifting on the surface is only a shallow part of the greater change taking place within my BEing. I am evolving in the most magnificent way.
In fact, this whole year has been supporting my evolution of Spirit. It is pushing me to re-consider what I do want in my life. Amazingly, I’m finally admitting that I no longer want what I wanted only 6 months ago. That’s exciting, and daunting.
But because my Spirit Guides and Guardians know that I’m about to step into a new adventure, they want me to step in as FREE as can be!! They are offering me opportunity after opportunity to face my own beautiful insecurities, so that I may SHED LIGHT upon them.
If I no longer deny any authentic aspect of mySelf, then my energies will all become focused and empowered as I take my new steps forward. That’s important, for all of us.
So brave I must be as I look at my own outdated insecurities.
Currently, my greatest one, is in believing that “I must do it all alone”. This subconscious belief is anchored pretty deeply in. At some level, I authentically believe that the weight of the universe is upon my sweet shoulders. Whether it is in making sure that there is milk in the house, or that everyone remains positive and in gratitude for this beautiful life.
Yes. I witness the comedy there. One example is of no great value, and the other is not my responsibility to take on. But, at some level, I process these as overwhelming triggers every now and then.
These nonsensical triggers have been mounting up all year, along with some much greater ones. At times I face them all with effortless grace and ease, so proud of my ability to process each one wisely. And then, there are moments when I believe that my head really will explode from the bat, bat, battering of all that unceasingly flows.
In a sacred retreat, this last weekend, we were working with reClaiming fragmented aspects of our soul. This healing path focuses on bringing healing and wholeness to the parts of our Self that have felt separate and alone.
I finally realized last night, that this deeply seeded belief of mine is coming from a part of ME that has been fragmented and separate from my greatest Truth. She (this part of me) authentically believes that the weight of the universe is upon her. She authentically believes that the crazy challenges will continuously keep her separate from her passionate experience in life.
So, before heading to sleep last night, I asked to powerfully LOVE this part of Me into wholeness.
I awoke at some point, feeling the heaviness of every dense and dark emotion filling me. Nauseousness accompanied all. But I would not give it energy. I remained cuddled in my blankets, while elevating my awareness to the LIGHT that eternally is, and asked for graceful support. I confidently expressed that I am DONE with feeling alone, overwhelmed, victimized, unappreciated or without choice. I accept that these emotions are real, and have served me well. But I no longer resonate with them. I no longer need them, to be me.
I then felt an incredible LIFTing of every pent-up, shadowed emotion. A pure force of Light was drawing every old and ancient emotional wound from my BEing.
With this FREEing, I fell back asleep. Shortly afterward, I found mySelf cuddling with a majestic Lion. It felt so natural to be at home with his powerful presence. I could see mySelf in his beauty, and I sensed that he was sinking deep into my own.
This was all leading up to the moment when we merged our energies together as one.
As I lay surrendered in my bed, I sensed his brilliant force overlaying my own. And in a moment, the integration was complete. We were one force of eternal BEing.
Because I was brave enough to honor my emotions, without judging them in any way, I welcomed a brilliant and majestic part of Me home today.
No more denial. No more distraction.
At some point, we have to believe that we are worthy of MORE than survival, challenge, and pain. And all we have to do is “want it”.
Your feelings are giving voice to an authentic aspect of You. Are you ready to listen?? To sense where it might take you, upon your cosmic journey of self-discovery??
You are loved.
Be free. ♥
© Alania Starhawk 2017