I moved through a long moment, in my life, where small frustrations and injustices were mounting into larger infernos of rage within my soul.
I am not an angry person by nature, but when we are faced with the inconceivable acts of disrespect, ignorance, and cruelty, over and over again, how long can we truly remain centered and inspired?? Authentically.
I tried to remain compassionate and loving throughout. I faced each rising emotion bravely and neutralized all perceptions of blame and false expectation within. I prayed fervently for divine healing to take place at every level of imbalance and disharmony.
And still, the anger would return.
I was wise enough to know that this anger was an ancient one. It was only being triggered to rise from a shadowed depth within my soul, so that it might be released.
I was doing “the work” to honor that release.
I was self-reflective and forgiving. I was focused on my growth and my abundant life. I took steps forward into self-care and nurturing too.
And still, the anger would return.
One afternoon, when the emotions were blinding me from seeing clearly, I felt the immensity of this anger rising. I suddenly recognized that it was more than I could “heal” with 1,000 years of well-intentioned effort and focus. What I now witnessed within my deepest chasms of my soul was an OCEAN OF ANGER that had taken lifetimes to build itself.
With an innocent cry of hopelessness, I thought “HOW CAN I BEGIN TO HEAL AN OCEAN OF ANGER????”
I couldn’t believe that I had allowed so much darkness to house itself within.
But with this authentic cry for understanding, a miracle took place.
I heard this powerful echo of truth reverberate through my soul:
With an Ocean of Compassion.
And with these words, the skies opened to shower a golden light upon all that I had perceived as the ocean of anger. This miraculous light encapsulated all that had appeared so dark and overwhelming just a few minutes before — and brought me peace.
I could no longer resonate with the anger or injustice. I could no longer connect to the sorrow and hopelessness that had affected me.
I was free.
It was done. The healing had taken place.
It has been a few months since this miracle changed my life.
I’m still anger free!! Even though, I can clearly witness some of the same patterns of disrespect and injustice presenting themselves, I am not emotionally attached to them. I can move through each challenging moment with the compassion and love that I wish to embrace, effortlessly.
I believe that three particular elements were responsible for inviting this epic healing into my life.
- The first is “acceptance”. I could no longer deny the anger that existed within. I couldn’t place a pretty mask upon it and create excuses for why it was there. I needed to accept that the rage was mine!! The overwhelming fire that was consuming my emotions was personal. It was not “caused” by anyone else. It was an authentic part of me.
- The second is “release”. I could no longer feed the fire!! I couldn’t retell the same stories of injustice and victimhood anymore. I had to authentically want to be free from the entire experience of disempowerment in my own life.
- The third is “allowance”. I had to allow support from divine realms of light and truth. I had to trust that I am not alone and that I accept all loving support.
The actual healing took only moments. But It took me lifetimes to recognize that I was ready to allow the HEALING that could potentially be.
There is no right or wrong in this journey. We must all FEEL THE DEPTHS of sorrow, pain, anger, fear, and loss — until we are READY to accept the healing that can be.
I wish you infinite blessings upon your own empowered journey.
© Alania Starhawk 2019