It happened again! I was crying in my dreams.
It's actually happened quite a few times over these last few weeks and months. At first, I focused upon what might have triggered these tears. What could have caused me such pain in those alternate planes of awareness?
But then, I started to see through the tears. I started to see that a part of me (it doesn't matter what part) is feeling pain—and she wants to be free!
How do I know this?
Because I still feel like crying when I wake up. Without really knowing why I'm sad, I am. And that sadness ignites a great force of Light in me.
It pushes me to step into my personal power.
It awakens a primal knowing that says "I want to be free!"
From my wake state (the clear and conscious part of me), I am strong enough to bring healing and compassion to each one of those tears.
I am strong enough to light the night with my LOVE, my HOPE, and my FAITH.
But it wasn't always like this.
Two months ago, I faced all of my darkest fears, one by one, through the darkest nights of my life.
I didn't feel very strong at all.
I felt, actually, as if I just needed to get through that single night. I needed to just make it to the dawn.
And as a result, I started each day being thankful for "surviving the night."
Uggghhhh!!!! How disheartening.
My gratitude was simply focused on surviving—and I was happy about it.
I couldn't see clearly, yet.
The fog of emotional pain and physical discomfort were distracting me.
But I did learn.
Spirit did show me.
Each time I asked to survive the night, I still gave each one of those painful memories and fearful thoughts my power!
Each time I doubted my strength, I fed the darkness.
If I was going to disempower the night, and all of it's many manipulative shadows, I needed to IGNITE THE LIGHT in my own magnificent soul.
I needed to BE THE LIGHT that remembers her divine truth in all moments.
And that's when all began to shift.
I stopped identifying with the warrior!
I stopped proving that I could survive the pain, discomfort, and fear.
I stopped focusing on all that felt so impersonal and out of my control.
I focused only on the TRUTH of my own soul.
When I woke up feeling the pain of abandonment or betrayal, I reminded myself that those memories are part of my past. Those life experiences are complete and they are ready to be healed. I asked the Divine to support me in all ways, reminding me of who I truly am today.
I started to remember why I am here, in this beautiful life.
I am here to celebrate the wonder of soul discovery and self-acceptance! To explore every path of joyful adventure, and to sink deep into the bliss of confident being.
I am here to be me.
I can't only "be me" in the prettiest rays of sunshine, though. If I really am a Lightkeeper, as I believe myself to be, I must bring Light to all the shadows—within and throughout.
Those long, dark nights brought me an opportunity to FREE MYSELF from all the shadows I had been harboring within.
I had believed, at some innocent level, that the darkness could somehow change the essence of who I am. I had believed that it could affect and control my reality.
It was an old belief that had been indoctrinated into my awareness lifetimes ago, but it was still there.
In order to free myself and step into my power, I had to start SHINING MY LIGHT in the darkest places.
I had to believe that I was the brightest, most extraordinary Light that could be.
In doing this, my focus was directed within.
Instead of obsessing over what the darkness might represent, I bravely focused on what "I" might represent when I fully believed in me.
It made a difference.
I responded less and less to the shadows and darkness that were calling for attention, and in time, I learned to face them with grace and ease.
I honestly don't believe that our darkest fears and shadows will ever stop rising from within. I think its healthy that they do rise!
Because I was able to bravely face my own shadows, fears, and insecurities, I was able to HEAL THEM and remind myself of the true Light I am.
If you're still looking to find Light in the darkness, look within.
It will change everything.
© Alania Starhawk 2020
Meet Your Guide:
Divine Channel | Inspired Author | Spiritual Mentor | Sacred Visionary
Alania Starhawk is a divine channel, inspired author, sacred visionary, and spiritual mentor. Her gifts of clear sight and intuitive knowing allow her to connect to the infinite realms of truth and light that exist within all forms of creation. Alania introduces us to a world of infinite possibility by powerfully sharing the sacred teachings that speak to our soul. These enlightened teachings, which support humanity’s evolution and awakening, come from the many beings of Light that communicate directly to Alania.
In her newly published book, Divine Self: Awakening into Sacred Remembrance, she activates the cellular memories of our own empowered truth. In her words, "We are so much more than we imagine ourselves to be."